Learning the give and take of playing with peers is one of the important tasks of the preschool and kindergarten years. While many children seem to become social stars with no visible tutoring, many other children are shy and reluctant to join their peers in play or they may be aggressive and rejected from peer play.
Successful group entry usually follows a three-step process:
Observation of the ongoing play assimilating the current roles and rules
Conceptualizing a role they might play, a way they would easily slip into the current play without undue disruption to the ongoing drama
The actual implementation of that entry strategy.
When a child is not successful in achieving group entry most of the time he/she tries, it usually is a sign they are having trouble with one of these three steps. For example, if a child is low on impulse control and simply enters the group without first observing and finding a complementary role to play, his/her entry will likely disrupt the ongoing drama and cause the current players to reject his/her entry. If the child takes time to observe the play and then attempts to join without proffering a role for themselves, they will likely be rejected unless there is an especially imaginative player who can provide that role for the new child before the other children reject him/her. Likewise, it profits the child little if they come up with a wonderful role to play unless they are willing to step up and offer to fill that role.
As you observe the social entry skills of your child you may find the need to do a little coaching, role play, or reciprocal parent-child play to enhance their skills in one or all of these steps.
1) You might observe the ongoing play of other children and talk about their play and other possible roles that might enrich the play.
2) You might do some actual pretend to play with your child and brainstorm as you play what other players would be great to add to your fun.
3) Note that some formal games have a beginning and an end and that the most appropriate time to join would be as the game begins.
4) Play games with formal rules and help them learn to lose as well as win.
5) Help them understand the rhythm of turn-taking by playing catch with a ball or similar alternating activities.
Research indicates that social entry skills can be enhanced with skillful coaching from parents and teachers, but the results are significantly enhanced if we believe our efforts can improve the child’s social competence and acceptance by his/her peers.
(Nelson, D.A. (1996). Promoting children’s positive peer relationships and friendships: Insights from the moral development literature. Term paper submitted to Steve Asher. University of Illinois.)
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